


Not A Good Day

by interruptedbyfjreworks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 23:38:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interruptedbyfjreworks/pseuds/interruptedbyfjreworks
Summary: “Today isn’t a good day,” he said this morning as the sunlight poured into their bedroom. Phil rolled over and placed a kiss on Dan’s forehead.“That’s okay,” he replied simply. That was always his answer. Because it was okay to have bad days.





	Not A Good Day

Dan had done nothing all day but lay in bed while staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t find the motivation to get up. 

Phil had tried to coax him out of bed with promises of backrubs and warm cuddles, but they had not been successful. Dan just rolled over so his back faced Phil and waited for Phil to shuffle out of the room. 

Dan hated feeling like this. Feeling like there was no point in carrying on. It was awful. And no matter how much he always told himself that there was a reason to keep going, he was never able to see that reason when he was in this state. 

These dark days, as Dan referred to them, happened much less often now. When they did happen, however, they were brutal. They were a reminder that Dan was still very much broken, and that he had a long way to go before he was ever whole again. Dan was able to go weeks without experiencing a bad day and he would think that he was finally getting better, but then one would come. They made Dan feel like he was right back to square one. 

Back before he had ever gone to anyone about his depression, Dan would live in this state for days on end. He was forced to pretend that everything was fine and coast through life on autopilot. Now that he had gotten help, he wouldn’t allow himself to do this. He wouldn’t let himself try to fool the people around him into thinking he was okay. That wasn’t fair to anybody. 

So, as soon as Dan would wake up in the morning and feel that familiar black cloud surrounding him, he would tell Phil. 

“Today isn’t a good day,” he said this morning as the sunlight poured into their bedroom. Phil rolled over and placed a kiss on Dan’s forehead. 

“That’s okay,” he replied simply. That was always his answer. Because it was okay to have bad days. It would be strange if Dan didn’t have them occasionally, especially after living with depression for the last ten years of his life. It doesn’t just go away as soon as anti-depressants are prescribed. 

After asking Dan if he wanted to come out to the lounge with him and getting no reply, Phil left Dan alone for a while, knowing that it was what Dan wanted. Dan knew that Phil hated leaving him to sit with his own thoughts, but he did it for Dan. Dan was grateful for that. 

A few hours later, Phil came back to the bedroom. “My offer of a backrub and cuddles still stands,” he said from the doorway. 

Dan didn’t need to look at Phil to know that he was chewing his lip in worry and shifting his weight between his feet. “Just come lay down with me,” Dan mumbled into the pillow. Almost immediately, he felt the bed dip and a warm body slide up behind him. Phil’s slender arms wrapped around his torso and his nose settled into the crook of Dan’s neck. 

Dan pressed closer to Phil and closed his eyes. The feeling of Phil’s stomach moving up and down against his back with every breath was comforting. Dan ran his hands along Phil’s arm as a way to remind himself where he was. He was here, with Phil behind him. Touching Phil was grounding, and that’s all he really needed at the moment. 

“I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow,” Dan whispered, not sure if he was talking more to Phil or himself.

Dan could hear Phil begin to whimper and could feel him start to shake. 

“Please, don’t cry.” Dan turned around in Phil’s arms and wiped away one of his tears.

“I just hate seeing you like this,” Phil said between shaky breaths, “especially when I know there really isn’t anything I can do to help.” 

“Phil, listen to me,” Dan moved Phil’s head to look him in the eye. “The best thing you can do for me is what you are doing right now. Just you being here is enough.” Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil on the lips. Phil kissed back, gripping Dan’s shirt. 

“Do you want me to stay?” Phil asked once the crying has subsided. Dan simply nodded and curled in further to Phil’s chest. Phil tucked Dan’s head under his chin and played with his hair until Dan fell asleep, finally able to get away from his own thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr: @interruptedbyfjreworks


End file.
